Discussing Marriage through Michelle Obama's Books.
Michelle comes from a close-knit family while Obama is a product of generational divorces and problematic marriages.
In Becoming, Michelle wrote how she pressured Obama to legalize their relationship because he didn't believe in Marriage.
She believed in it and wanted a family and so he made it happen.
Like all marriages, it comes with sacrifices. Due to Obama's decision to turn down big money offers in Corporate Law for Constitutional Law and Community development, she 'knew' he would never be rich but she would be happy because his presence made her happy.
She had a good job and earned more - about $120k per annum, but due to Barack's absence as his political career kicked off and her Motherhood, she had to resign from the job to one that paid half but gave her time to be with the kids.
It was not easy for her as Capitol Hill kept Obama away from home a lot and he was flying from Washington to Chicago on weekends to see his family.
A lot of arguments must have arisen as she addressed because the kids are young and their demands are endless but you can't fault them.
In 'The Light We Carry,' Michelle explains that Barack was used to being away from their family because it was how he was raised. But when he was home at his mother's place, the world stops as he spends every moment savoring family ties with family members.
On the other hand, Michelle grew up in a home where everyone was around. Even the extended families lived down the street and they all met every Sunday.
Her family were not huggers and don't profess love. They just say their byes and 'see you on Sunday'
Obama's family was big on hugs and professing love because they were never around consistently.
His dad was a disappearing act. His mom always had work to do in Indonesia. Barack himself moved around a lot and so family time was few and in-between.
This found its way into the marriage because Barack found it easy being away from home to chase his political career but when he was home, he gave his all.
This was not enough for Michelle who was used to family seeing each other every day.
Michelle writes that when you marry a person, you marry the history of the family in which they were raised.
She was married to a man from a home where nobody was home.
Ride with me.
On dealing with Issues, Michelle is someone that snaps easily, and when angry Obama gets burnt.
Obama is someone that likes space.
Instead of returning her fire, he just wants a quiet place to clear his head and read.
All these things can't fit perfectly into a thread. But Michelle explains that because 2 people in a relationship are different and of different backgrounds, you'll have to unpack a lot of things through trial and error as your ideologies of what commitment is, compete & conflict.
Like most Millenials on social media, Michelle thought marriage for her would-be honeymoon suites and drinks under the Hawaii sunset but Barack didn't project that to her. What she saw was devotion.
He was a family person who goes out but was devoted to familial commitment.
Michelle doesn't offer solutions. She believes every couple will have to figure out commitment for themselves because every couple's journey and experiences are different.
However, she believes people should be real instead of just going on dates in packaged appearance.
She thinks we go on dates without really knowing the other party and so we go on many first dates.
Be real, live, love, and lose. If it is wrong, it is okay. If it is right, then you found yours.
She dedicated a chapter to friendship. She wrote that she and Barack have never expected the other person to be their 'everything.'
She savored her friendships and they helped her navigate through the struggles of her marriage and adjustment from a private person to a public.
When she talks about marriage being a vexation, she is not talking about hellfire.
She is talking about the many make-up of the individual (including their history and background)that clashes with yours and the decisions you make jointly today.
Infertility, Obama's refusal to take one of the many good offers that came his way, choosing to be a politician (which she was never really in agreement with), dealing with the absences that came with him being a lawmaker, raising kids among others.
Every day, there would be clashes of views as you make decisions. It is what makes you human. Adjusting to different phases of life comes with its issues.
But in the end, love and commitment to building a home must prevail. You love the person despite themselves.
Obama didn't come completely and neither did Michelle. Theirs was a story written every day through intentional commitment and hard work as it is till this day. They keep choosing each other.
In the end, it paid off. He became President and she became First Lady and together they Presided over the most powerful country.
Now she has the biggest platform in the world to write and talk and they have raised kids and excelled financially.
Barack never failed to commend her for her sacrifices. Everyone cheered and clapped...... until she wrote.
Before the ovation and eulogy come the work. It is not about shouting you deserve better. Will you do the work to see your marriage succeed?
I wish above all else that you marry once and marry right. In the end, you accept the love you think you deserve.
Marriage is not all rainbows and sunshine. Do the work and the glory will come.
Now listen to his Post-Presidency tribute to Michelle. THIS IS MARRIAGE!
Written by Sir Dickson
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